Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Government Shuts Down! Anarchy Prevails!

On news today that the federal government had shut down, the price of oil fell to $102. Speculation is that if the Iranians nuke D.C. the price could drop to $35/bbl.

Today is a good day to go to work as all earnings will be free of federal taxes while the government is paralyzed. Please note that speed limits on state roadways are enforced by state and local law enforcement who most certainly ARE working today.

Factory output is expected to rise as no documentation will be required of anybody until ICE comes back on line. Frank J. Fleming has expressed doubts over the value of the shutdown, pointing out that little would be accomplished if it just gets started up again later. To that end I suggest we take advantage of the "Cash For Clunkers" program and commit about half of the now moribund government, the parts identified by designations beginning with "Department of...", to the recycling bin of history.

Like Okies traveling to California we will discard unnecessary weight from the pickup truck of the state including sofas, pianos, and elderly family members who are no longer demonstrating presence of brain activity. John McCain, Nancy Pelosi, Susan Collins, Harry Reid, and others too numerous to mention come to mind.

As today is the official opening of Obamacare exchanges, remember that some glitches still exist in the system. Numerous sites out there will take all your personal information, apologize for running slow, assure you that the premium you committed to pay them will buy you the best insurance available (!) and reroute you to an Albanian porn site. Be careful. Some of these sites may not be actual government sites. Only sites with URL's ending with /menendez/house.gov are to be trusted.

One other note: It is unconfirmed that IRS buildings are protected from fire by the Federal Fire Department, which is closed today, and not by local fire departments. If you see smoke emanating from an IRS building, please do not call the local fire department. They already have plenty to keep them occupied without calls about stuff outside their scope.

Buy ammo. The federal fleet of black helicopters is grounded until further notice.

1 comment:

Brad K. said...

I don't believe it. The White House doesn't tell Congress about the black helicopters -- why would they worry about accounting for the machines and other expenses that evaporate up in smoke?

I expect the black helicopters will be out in droves -- the bureaucrats that might maybe report them or try to audit them are the only ones sent home.

Does anyone know if the shutdown affects SEIU union members, or do they get to keep getting paid, just not have to dither about actually, you know, be expected to work?

Could the shutdown be a chance to terminate large numbers of employees without having to go through firing or reviewing matters? Remember PATCO, I say. Take *that* from the Gipper!