Saturday, December 8, 2012

Musical Interlude

Being a songwriter has a certain appeal for me and my greatest inspiration has been Al Yankovic. He's in no danger of being dethroned:

As many people lose full time jobs and move to part time or temp jobs, your career is likely to cover several employers per year.

The Contractor (tune of The Boxer):

I'm now a lowly contractor
my story's seldom told
I have squandered my existence
For a pocket full of mumbles such are promises
All lies and jests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family
I was a brand new college grad
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of a cube farm business running CAD
Starting low, seeking out the flash assignments
Where the up and comers go
Looking for assignments only they would know

Lie la lie ...
Now asking only salaried wages
I come looking for a job
But I get no offers,
Just a come-on from the job sites on the internet
I do declare, there were times when I was so near broke
I took some low gigs there

Lie la lie ...

Now I'm polishing my resume
And wishing I was hired
on a job.
Where the New York City taxes weren't a-bleeding me
Bleeding me, going broke

In the clearing stands a contractor
pursuing his old trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry job he finished and was
told it was his last day
but you did a real good job.
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the contractor remains

Lie la lie ...

And for those of you who have gone from seeking a hip new joint to a new hip joint, here's Life In The Slow Lane:

He is a bald-headed man
He used to be handsome, and she had varicose veins.
She propped him up, and he held her for balance as they walked
through the crowded mall.
He has a nasty reputation as a cranky old fart
They say that he's toothless, he had a weak heart
They had one thing in common, they slept late in bed
She'd say, “Slow down honey, your face is turnin' red."
Life in the old lane
Surely now you’ve lost your mind, mm
Are you with me so far?

Viagra for action, hot flashes just the same,
The afternoon movie, forgettin’ your name
They shopped Vitamin Cottage, they took
all the right pills
They threw Tupperware parties, they paid Medicare bills
There were lines behind her driving, pissed at her slow pace
She pretended not to notice, she was caught up
in the race

In every evening, just as it gets dark
He was too tired to make it, she was too tired
to fight about it

Life in the old lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the old lane, nuttin’ to do, too much time
Life in the slow lane, uh huh
Fartin’ and bitchin’, blinded by thirst
They didn't see the stop sign,
took a turn for the worse

She said, "Listen, baby. You can hear a siren
ring. We've been up and down this highway;
haven't seen a goddam thing."
He said, "Check the rearview mirror. I think I'm gonna crash."
"The cop is right behind us, and you just can’t pay him cash."
They went North on the Southbound freeway,
messed around and got lost
They didn't care they were just dyin' to get off
And it was life in the old lane
Life in the slow lane

1 comment:

Brad K. said...

To this day, when Michael J.'s versions of "Eat It" comes on the radio, it just feels like they are playing the imposter.