Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Bike to Work Day

It's that time again, when the powers that be try to discourage the peasantry from cluttering up the roadways with their junkers, and impeding the flow of city, state, county, and federal vehicles in the execution of their appointed duties. This includes fixing the occasional pothole, and ferrying elected and unelected bureaucrats to important lunches with contractors and campaign donors.

Last year, I had a great job, close to home, to which I rode my bike. I got great encouragement in this from folks as far away as England, who assured me that I would soon be sporting spandex, and exulting in the use of paved roads paid for by the fools in the cars. I don't know how they finance the pavement in England, but on this side of the pond, I get to pay for them weather I use them personally or not. Since my groceries arrive on them, I find this a fine investment.

I was able to bike to work using only about 40% roadway and 60% bike trail. Sweet. Except that on the bike trail, I met up with some kid on a mountain bike, training for some BMX competition or something, who popped out of a blind spot on the trail, and t-boned me hard enough to get me a 4-day stay in the hospital with a fairly impressive and expensive concussion, paid for by yours truly.

This was, hands down, the absolute worst injury I have ever suffered, from any source at all.

At this point, I am concluding that bicycles are the devils own invention, best restricted to 3rd world countries, and very low speed limits. One gear only, suitable for climbing Mt. Everest, or delivering 400 lbs of bananas to the village market.

In support of this, I encourage everybody, on Jun 24th, Bike to Work Day, to either use a motorbike (500cc minimum) or an SUV with the "dumbo ears" mirror set. Use the mirrors to encourage the spandex wearing snobs to ride on the sidewalk, on the trails, or in a 3rd world country. It's for their own good, you know.


Anonymous said...

Anchovy paste on their hand grips, a little dab'll do ya. ;-)

The Cyclists said...

"I don't know how they finance the pavement in England,"

All we require are our bicycles, our shiny helmets, our durex shorts, and the tarmac surface paid for by billions of pounds of your road tax.

Billll said...

As I understand it, there's little doubt that Mr. Brown is getting billions of pounds from the taxpayers, but there seems to be a question or two as to what exactly it's being spent on. Certainly the problem isn't unique to your country.

Actually I still enjoy riding my bike, although the level of caution has gone up significantly. I now have a helmet, but durex (spandex) isn't going to happen.