WaPo Reveals Its New Mission Statement

I get a daily e-mail news summary from the Washington Post. I frequently have to check to see that the Bolsheviks haven't stormed the White House and replaced the Trump administration. Here's the new banner:

A forthright and uncompromising mission statement if ever I saw one. Ace of Spades has suggested alternative lines, each more lurid than the last.

UPDATE: Post denies that this is actually a mission statement. (FAKE NEWS ALERT?)

REAL UPDATE: Found the link.