Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Boulder To Ban Assault Weapons Tonight

The Boulder City Council is meeting tonight to consider on first third reading, a bill to ban assault weapons from their socialist utopia. The ordinance was first proposed a couple of weeks ago and met with stiff opposition. It was significantly rewritten, but kept the original title, so the new version counts as the first, and the first reading of the new version counts as the second reading of the first. Opposition was still stiff and proposals were floated to put it out as a referendum.

Based on the pushback the council was getting, it looked like the referendum would fail, so the re-re-written act will be considered tonight and if passed, will become law without having to deal with obnoxious peasants.

Per local channel 7:
The current version of the proposal reads in part, “Assault weapons are semi-automatic firearms designed with military features to allow rapid spray firing for the quick and efficient killing of humans.”
The law also has the usual exemptions for the police without actually explaining why the police would need to quickly and efficiently kill large numbers of humans. It's possible of course that polling is showing the large bloc of students at the University may be drifting away from the party plantation, not wishing to culturally appropriate Venezuela, and may be in line for more direct persuasion that just being forced to listen to elderly Marxist professors droning on in lecture halls.

In the latest version, if you acquire an "assault weapon" before June 15 you may keep it, but you must:
  • Get a background check
  • Obtain a certificate from the Boulder Police Department saying they own the weapon
  • Find a safe place to store the weapon
  • Only possess the weapon on their property or at a gun shop
  • Report theft within 48 hours
Presumably the BPD will issue identification to the owners:
 Perhaps in the form of a shiny brass badge which must be affixed prominently to their outer garment at all times. After June 15, the guns become officially toxic in that you will no longer be able to buy, sell, or inherit one of them.

It has also been suggested that the law as currently written, may well be unenforcable. The Boulder police chief says he has no plans to do a door-to-door looking for the guns but his men may enforce the law if the opportunity presents itself.

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