Writing For Conservatives

Kurt Schlichter has a column on writing techniques for aspiring conservative writers. Interesting, and I know the left has its version of a style book that they work from as well so I'll consider the most recent non-story about a train wreck in Virginia. First off consider that there must be several hundred songs written about this sort of thing, especially in Appalachia where trains run one every 20 minutes and crossing gates are apparently unheard of. Cue the banjos:

First the Democratic version:
Right Wing Terrorists Use Train To Attack Working Class Recycling Hero
Several dozen right wing terrorists today used a train to ram a truck carrying recyclables to the recycling center in an effort to discredit the green movement. This is suspected to be an extension of their efforts to dismantle the EPA and Make the Atmosphere Smog Again (MASA). The ultimate end is thought to be a partnership between the President and a coalition of Russian hookers to convert money losing Trump hotels into upscale branches of the U.S. prison system.

And the Republican Version
Left Wing Terrorists Use Truck Bomb In Mass Assassination Attempt
Apparently disappointed with James Hodgkinsons abilities as a marksman last June, leftist terrorists attempted today to assassinate multiple members of the Republican congressional delegation who were on their way to a retreat to discuss even greater tax and regulatory relief for the working citizens of America. So far Nancy Pelosi has not responded to questions as to why the truck failed to explode. Her staff has denied her involvement in the incident and denounced a previously unheard of memo on the topic as being a"a complete fabrication" setting off a rush to try to find this memo even though no one had ever heard of it.

To my mind, what makes the thing memorable was that the train in question was carrying passengers instead of coal.