Simoleans for Stickers
Under this $1.3 trillion bumper-sticker upgrade bill, everyone will be issued upgrade stickers for now-outdated bumper stickers.
You get a small one that says "NON-" to go in front of your old "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism"
You get "DONT" to go in front of "Question Authority"
You get "CONFORMITY" to overlay "Diversity" on your "Celebrate Diversity" sticker.
Of course you could always just swap the Authority with the Diversity and accomplish the same thing, but we all know how hard those stickers are to remove. I will earmark $10 million to develop an earth-friendly bumper sticker remover. I'm told that a mixture of gasoline and nitromethane works well. 10% Ethanol will be added to insure the support of the congressional delegations from Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana.
Maybe I'll just buy both stickers, cut them in half, and reverse the offending words.
$100 million has been earmarked to a think tank to come up with more such good ideas. Send recomme3ndations for funding to be sent to Billlls Idle Think-Tank to email@example.com, with special mention of how patriotic I am for coming up with such a worthy use of the taxpayers money.
Upon receipt of the funding, all my regular readers will be invited to a local watering hole for an evening of high-level dr...thinking, all on me. The unemployed among you will be added to my staff.