Squirrel Trap

I don't care what Tom Lehr says, what's more fun than Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, is drowning squirrels in your back yard. This year, an untimely cold snap seems to have dashed all my hopes of fruit on the trees, but Sis-in-law is an avid gardener, which is another way of saying the squirrels and rabbits think highly of her.

She installed one of the Billlls Shiva-Like Squirrel Traps in her back yard 3 days ago. Today, she tells me she believes she has caught at least one, and maybe two of the little rodents in it, but is afraid to look, or lift the pipe to extract the bodies.

This is caused by the fact that she's a wimp, but also the tale I told her of once catching two squirrels in my trap, and not realizing that the second one was standing on the body of the first, wet, frightened, and angry. When I lifted the pipe to remove the body, the second bedraggled rodent jumped out of the bucket, and escaped to the nearest tree before I could react.

Let this be a warning, Use a flashlight to check, and let the dog watch while you clear the trap. Any properly doglike* dog will insure that a live squirrel won't make it to that tree.

*As opposed to some of the stupider breeds who wouldn't know what to do with a squirrel if it served itself cooked, with acorn gravy.

Small Gods

My squirrel trap is working impressively well, bagging one every couple days, I'm up to eight in 2 weeks now. The problem is disposing of the bodies. I got 2 in quick succession near the beginning of last week, and facing 5 days of 90+ degree weather, elected to bury them. Then something came round, and dug one up. Again, Friday PM, after trash pickup, I got another, and thought to myself: "Self, I bet if I just leave this one under the Walnut tree where the other one was dug up, I bet he'll be gone tomorrow morning."
Sure enough, it worked. Likewise with the next one.
One of Terry Pratchetts characters from the Discworld series is Offler, the crocodile god. His followers have a small statue of him in their houses with a platform in front of the figuring, and honor him by leaving a small bowl of food there at night. In the morning, the food is gone, and life goes on with minimal disturbance for the follower.
This is getting to be like being a follower of Offler. Leave the offering, and in the morning the offering is gone, and my peaches continue uneaten.
My only worry at this point is what happens if the supply of squirrels dries up, and Offler doesn't get fed? Does he come looking for me or what?

Squirrel Trap

Got another one Friday PM, just after the trash pickup. Dumped the water and the squirrel out on an under-watered walnut tree where I had buried the last 2 (see comments in Squirrel Gun post below) and figured I'd bury the varmint the next day. Suspected I wouldn't have to. I was right. If you feed them, they will come.

Squirrel Gun

Squirrel trap, to be more correct, even if the parts came off my squirrel gun.
Progress report; Got 2 more the next day and two more the day after. Didn't see one all weekend. This thing is like a black hole for squirrels.



















Here it is Tuesday, and 2 new ones have shown up. I don't expect them to be here long. If I was into that Foxfire stuff, I could have a squirrel coat by winter.

It could always be worse. Over the weekend we discovered that the fellow behind the man across the street from me has 2 adult and six baby skunks living under his backyard shed,
and the folks down the block have a family of four foxes under their front deck.
Wifey-poo said something about a coon on the back porch. Can the lions and bears be far behind?

Squirrel Gun

I've now gotten 2 of the tree rats with the Squirrel gun I described earlier, just not quite the way I had in mind.

It turns out that if you lean the 4 in barrel against the fence, with peanut butter dabbed in the inside, the rodents will go to such extremes to get it that they will fall down the barrel, and be unable to escape. At this point, you may do with them what you will: Transport them to Siberia, cook them and eat them*, or whatever.
If you put the bottom of the pipe into a 5-gallon bucket of water, you just need to dispose of the bodies. Fitting them with little concrete overshoes and tossing them into the municipal park pond where they can "sleep with the crawdads" is probably more dramatic than is really necessary.

*I bagged an urban squirrel once, and in my familys best hilbilly tradition, cooked it. That old saw about "you are what you eat" is truer than you think. Woods squirrels are a tasty treat. Urban squirrels that feed in the trash cans, taste like it.

The Workshop

OK, here it is in all its glory, the pneumatic squirrel launcher.


It is balanced near the middle on the wooden support. Air is supplied via the hose to a port by the gage, visible on the right. Inside the barrel, all the way back, is a piece of ethrafoam with peanut butter smeared on it. The weight of a squirrel is enough to cause the whole thing to tilt slowly clockwise until the plenum hits a switch mounted on the right end of the base. This triggers the lawn sprinkler valve, the green object between the barrel and the air plenum, launching the little rodent far, far away.

Note to any budding mad scientists out there: A 24 VAC sprinkler valve will work just fine on 12 VDC. The cordless drill I use is a $10 (on sale) Drillmaster unit from Harbor Freight. It is 14 or 18 volts, depending on the vintage. If you run the valve at 18 VDC for extended periods of time, you will burn out the coil. Short time use is fine. The sprinkler valve is rated at 120 psi. The Spears company will tell you to never put compressed gases into its PVC tubing. Over time the oil that goes with the compressed gas will degrade the PVC, and it WILL fail. You've been warned.