Sunday, May 6, 2012


Those who aspire to high office need several skills to get there. The ability to wear a good suit without it looking like a rental, for starters. The ability to read a speech from a teleprompter, head bobbing left and right, using a voice that makes people think you actually believe what you're saying. The ability to eat anything and sleep anywhere, anytime is good as well.

Some rudimentary knowledge of economics, geography, and history is helpful, but not actually required. Especially at the federal level.

What will kill your dreams deader than a rock, beyond the abilities of any holy man living or legendary to bring back, is ridicule. Witness Walter "I was brainwashed" Mondale. Barry "In your heart, you know he's right." Goldwater. Gary "Monkey Business" Hart, Richard "I am not a crook" Nixon, and countless others. Angus the Scot:
(Best told after several scotches and with a Scottish accent.)

So Angus and McTavish are sitting around in the pub. Angus takes a long pull at his drink, looks out the door and says "Mac, you see that bridge out there."

"Aye Angus, I do"

"S'a goood bridge. Built it with me bare hands I did. But do they call me Angus the bridge builder?"

"No Angus they don't" he says sympathetically.

"And ya see that roof on the school. S' a good rooooof, took me a month, with me bare hands." He takes a pull again. "But do they call me Angus the Roof Maker?"

"No Angus they don't"

Angus takes another deeeeep pull at his beer, his face going red.

"But you foook WAN Gooot . . .!!!!"

In that spirit, here are a couple of items I've found. First from Twichy:
Synchronized ovulation, I tell you!
From Power Line, here's another, inspired by Romney's comment on the new DNC slogan:
 "Forward? Where? Over a cliff?"

Romney is going to be tough to ridicule. Everything he's done that annoys the right is considered a big selling point with the left. About all that's left is his religious cult* and that invites examination of Obama's  guru, Rev. Wright.Still, if you go down south and pick up some of the jokes told about Baptists and Methodists, some of these might prove adaptable.

*Cult: From Billlls handy and cynical dictionary: Any religious group that's younger or smaller than yours.

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