When I am Dictator

Things will be different. I'm working on a cabinet even as I sit here, and thinking Rush Limbaugh would make a great press secretary. Part-time, of course, and since I can't possibly match his pay scale, the side benefit is that he gets to treat the press any way he likes.

It's the sort of thing that might make the once-a-week pressers fun to watch.

Secretary of State. This is a job for someone representing our countries interests to people who frequently don't share them, to say the least. In the past I thought this would be a good position for a slimy double-dealing crooked used-car dealer. Dick Nixon came to mind. Since then the bar has been re-positioned, and Tricky Dick is now St. Richard, the Morally Upright. Plan B involves someone of good moral character who is able to convey our countries position to foreigners using that nuance stuff by the bucket full, but without accidentally conveying the wrong message. Enter General James Mattis, who on at least one occasion said:

I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you f*ck with me, I'll kill you all.

What could be more statesmanlike?