Political Alignments: Where do you stand?

The definitions are changing even as we watch. From the comments here in Samizdata:

“It is rather hazy what ‘left’ and ‘right’ mean in Britain or America these days . . . “

Our current President is a life-long left-liberal Democrat who is considered to be an outrageously conservative extreme-right Republican by our personal-freedom-hating elitist and moneyed left-wing liberal Democrats.
He won office by beating a far-left liberal who is clearly to the right of him on many issues.
Our leftists support a religion of men that kills gays and women when they’re done raping them. Our rightists support government confiscation of private property without due process.
Our leftists support the notion of undemocratic governmental rule by an unelected judiciary. Our rightists disagree strongly, unless they get to appoint the unelected judiciary.
What’s hazy about this?

Taking this as a starting point, lets try this:

Moderate: This is the position of the person speaking. Don't believe me? Just ask him.

Rightist: Generally anyone on the wrong side of the speaker.

Leftist: Anyone supporting the speaker, but perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.

Note that those last two are interchangeable depending on what sort of Moderate the speaker might be.